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My mountain started with waiting.

Waiting in silence was like living in a house with a roof made of plastic cling wrap during a rainstorm.

I was engulfed.

Fear was first. Depression. Loneliness. Overwhelming exhaustion due to lack of sleep. And onward.

I was engulfed, pulled downward by a current I couldn't fight in my own strength, and, for a time, I wasn't even trying to reach for the surface. It looked too far, too impossible, and too daunting.

I knew how to swim but I didn't know the water was coming.

My prayers were all kinds of staggering desperation.

I asked the regular.

"Lord, what are You doing???"

"Lord, how much do You think I can take???"

"Lord, WHERE ARE YOU???"

For several days, I sat in silence. I went to the backyard of my friend's house, a place where I could be alone as I prayed and clung to my Bible.

I wrote and read and prayed and listened.

When I was home, I worked on my War Room. (More about this in another post.)

It was a messy, ugly first couple of weeks. It was hard to be at home because I was alone so often. I slept (and still sleep) on the couch or with my daughter. (Admittedly, I haven't advanced past that point yet.)

There was a night that I just couldn't be at home because my emotions were at a point of overflow, so my son and I packed a suitcase and went to a friend's house for a day and night.

.....Like I said, it was messy.

Attacks tend to be messy.

I had been knocked off my feet by the enemy and had yet to rise.

I promise to be honest in this blog because I think too many people make things look "pretty" and, honestly, that isn't a help - but a hindrance.

  • When we examine the wounds we have, we can treat them and they can begin to heal.

Waiting is often required before battle.

But waiting doesn't mean doing nothing.

It is a time for planning out how to fight the battle.

It is a time to examine.

It is a time to assess and assemble - not only what you need for battle (scripture, finding ways to take care of your basic needs while being attacked by the enemy), but also to assess how you are doing in all ways. Physically, mentally, emotionally and, most importantly, spiritually.

The enemy loves to make us weary. And he's good at it. And, when we're weary, we can't fight well.

  • Isaiah 40 tells us that, as we wait on and hope in God, He will be faithful to renew our strength.

  • Matthew 11 instructs us to come to Him when we're weary and burdened and we will receive rest.

  • David said in Psalm 61, "I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

We have these promises for our weary spirits as we wait.

There were times when I had no words to pray. Like Hannah, in my brokenness, I uttered only moans before the Lord. And I thanked the Lord that the Spirit intercedes on my behalf.

The waiting is so hard. We're already people of rushed generations. Regardless of age, if you're breathing right now, you have lived during amazing times of advancement and achievements.

That has spoiled us though, and we have forgotten what it is to wait.

When we are forced into a position of waiting, which is often the case, we find ourselves stumbling around, our feet trying to find footing before God has laid out our changing path.

But - our waiting is for a season. Variations of time and shifting circumstances challenge us in our faith.

However, when I was finally able to consider standing again, I had relearned what it is to completely rely on and lean on the Lord.

When my husband was in Rehab and then Physical Therapy for a foot infection, it was pride that kept him hiding while he was dependent upon a walker for balance and lessening of pain. And it is often pride that hinders us in reaching out for help. But reaching out for help is allowing God a chance to use others who have overcome - to show us how to anchor ourselves for the downpour as the waves engulf us.

In your waiting, as you learn to lean, reach out for help.

Ask the Lord who is best suited to help you. Ask Him who HE has for you to help you. (This may be a Counselor or confidant.) And allow Him to use the glory of one person's victorious battlefield to help you traverse yours.

Much love in the journey,

Sarah Jane

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