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Updated: May 13

Not everyone jumps at the chance to celebrate Mother's Day. There could be several reasons why. Maybe you lost someone special on that day. Or maybe your demented spouse left you on Mother's Day (crazy - but it actually happens). Maybe you have lost a child or children - maybe pregnancies - and the wonderings of 'what could have been' linger in your mind more prominently on a day attributed to motherhood. Maybe the memories of your own mother are bitter, and Mother's Day is something you simply have never celebrated.

There can be many reasons why Mother's Day could be a day that you would rather avoid than embrace.

Whether you're the one facing a triggering day or someone near you, here are some important things to remember:

Be respectful of others. Maybe you have made it through some really hard times and have reached a few mountaintops while your fellow church member or coworker or friend might need to sit for a while at the bottom of the mountain and just breathe.

"Support instead of thwart." (I like rhymes - deal with it.)

Another thing is to remember that no one person should ever be able to cause you to feel unworthy. God says you are worthy and remarkable and a treasure - and if someone in your life has taken you for granted and intentionally hurt you or cut you down - THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU.

Those nasty people in life will always be looking for someone to throw underneath them. Your job is to rise up and walk away.

Another thing - God has the final say. What God says about you is what matters. You ARE worth celebrating. You and every single thing you have been through is a part of His plan. Keep pressing on and strive for His will. Serve Him. He will lift you up, cover you and love you.

It's okay to grieve. If you have lost a child or children or pregnancies, it's not only okay - but normal - to grieve those losses. It is okay if Mother's Day is a day of mourning for your heart. I have been pregnant four times. I have two living children. At the time of one of the losses, my best friend was giving birth to her third child on the same day that I was literally passing pieces of mine. I had a D&C after one. It was a painful experience - more mentally and emotionally than physically. But I was blessed to become pregnant a fourth time and give birth to my son, who is amazing and loved by his sister and myself.

If you are grieving - then, grieve.

Don't let the expectations of others push you forward when your feet aren't under you yet. You will fall. And expectations won't hold you up.

At the same time, evaluate why you might be hesitant to celebrate Mother's Day. Ask yourself --- do you want to remain there, in that place, or do you want to begin the process of moving from it? People's actions can be cruel. The scars that horrible, selfish people can leave are really there, marking you and your life. But if they are in any process of healing, they are that - scars. They are wounds and they may hurt but they do not define you.

If you are able to, begin to rise up from where you were sitting, catching your breath. People who intentionally hurt you should not be given the power to dictate your life any longer.

Listen to God. Find the quiet places and talk to Him. Those moments are the beautiful moments that often show us the clearest reflection of ourselves.

Listen to your friends. When emotions overwhelm you, your friends look from the outside and can often help you when you don't know what to do. Pain narrows our perspective. Those who love you see a much broader view. Be careful - guard yourself - but trust those who have proven themselves reliable, trustworthy and loving.

If you're not ready to celebrate, then let Mother's Day just be 'another day'.

Whatever you choose, remember to look around you and see others where they are. Don't try to force others into celebration.

Be the friend who walks side-by-side, hand-in-hand,

not the one who pulls from the front

or pushes from behind.

"Encourage, be aware, listen and love."

Mother's Days and other days - God's got this.

There will always be days associated with pain. We live in a fallen world. But God has overcome the world and is taking us with Him.

It is okay to not be okay but, when you are strong enough, begin to rise back up.

It might only be a little part of you at a time but know that there will be a time when you will feel like you are a little bit stronger than the day before.

God is our strength in all moments of life. Thank You, Lord.

Sarah Jane

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Catherine Kilgore
Catherine Kilgore
May 12


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